My Mom

Last night since Kyle was working, I went over to my dads to hang out and visit. I was sitting at his computer when I noticed my moms old daily calendar book. I slowly reached for it as I knew it would make me a hot mess. And I was right. Just seeing her handwriting started the tears. My mom died of cancer in '99. The year of the calendar was from that year, and it killed me to see that she had written stuff down for future months and she never saw those things happen. She died 6 days after my 15th birthday. I ended up asking my dad some questions about when he knew she wasn't going to make it. He said she lived 5 years longer than the doctors had given her. She was determined to live. I still cant believe she is gone. I cant believe I have the rest of my life without her. I of course think of her everyday and miss her everyday but some days just kill me. Anyhow, it was nice to talk to my dad and learn some things I didn't know. He said she didn't know believe she was losing her battle until about a week before. She started to give away her clothes to her sisters and close friends, this I do remember. My heart aches thinking of her last week. She loved the Lord and she went in peace. I miss her so much.